I Come Last

In a recent discussion with an executive, the topic turned to prioritization. Not the ability to prioritize work deliverables, with which she had no issue. The prioritization related to her tendency to place others’ needs ahead of her own, particularly in social and family situations.

After some reflection it became apparent that the executive viewed others as being unable to cope if she didn’t support them. Some of the situations seemed very trivial, such as agreeing to go to lunch or dinner when she had already promised to herself that she would spend time with her children. Would her friend be unable to cope with not going to dinner? Would her family resent her for not tagging on 2 days to a business trip to visit them? Viewed in that light, the executive decided that her attitude was condescending towards her friends and family, because of course her family and friends were not dependent on her to enjoy themselves.

The executive’s inability to put herself and her immediate family members before others caused feelings of self-induced resentment. Some of this related to her difficulty in saying no to people who did not know her very well. When reminded of how she handled saying no in a professional environment – based on facts and showing empathy and offering an alternative – she determined to adopt a similar approach in addressing non-professional ‘saying no’ situations.

Putting ourselves first, rather than last, when we need to prioritize our own needs is a generous act for ourselves and can be a generous act for others.