Selful: My new everyday word

The sense that I know what I’m about, I’m ready for what lies ahead and I am tuned into possibility. It combines being purposeful, consciously confident, compassionate, respectful and present. Being self-aware and able to self-manage.

Sometimes we are running on empty. Being selful is the opposite. It’s running on fully-charged batteries, without needing to rev the engine. It’s when you appreciate that your cup is full and you are truly grateful.

Being selful feels good. It sets you up for the day, the project, the week, the meeting - for whatever lies ahead.

How to be selful

Here are some practices:

Replenish your confidence levels: Fill the cookie jar with memories of all the occasions you’ve taken on a challenge and succeeded. Know your strengths – those that others appreciate in you and those that have lain dormant.

Anticipate and prepare: There’s a tough meeting coming up with multiple conflicting opinions certain to be aired. How will you ‘be’ in that meeting? What are the possible options? How can you move the discussion in a constructive direction?

• Derailers: Anticipate and prepare for potential curve balls that have the power to knock you sideways. Be aware of the people and situations that trigger reactions in you.

• Think and act constructively: ‘This is how we can make progress here’ rather than, ‘he dropped the ball big time on this.’

• Accept the derailer head on: ‘This isn’t going to deplete my reserves, it’s going to boost them.’

Exercise compassion: Show warmth and empathy towards others. Do something, however small, for others, without the expectation of receiving anything in return. Open a door. Pick up the papers they dropped. Smile. Lend a listening ear.

Be present: Be mindful and attentive to the present moment. Rather than be on the constant worry trip about the future, or the constant rumination trip of the past, just be here and now – it’s truly the only moment you can be in.

What are you about? If there was one thing you could change to make the world a better place, what would it be? The answer to that question gives you some insight into your purpose. For some people it might be education – so how can you broaden my mind, help others grow, encourage learning every single day? For others it could be health – so how can you ensure your own well-being and that of others you in your community?

Respect: Do you respect yourself and others? Do you live in alignment with your values and beliefs? There will always be missed deadlines and thwarted expectations. What is the most effective way to get your message across and maintain respect?

Self-Awareness: Know what motivates and inspires you. Know what sets you on a downward spiral. Know your patterns that serve you well, and those that don’t. If you know you always deliver against others’ expectations but seldom achieve your own goals, make a public declaration of your commitment. If you know you have trouble saying no to any request, prepare a cheat sheet of ready responses and start using them. Use your self-knowledge to bolster your well-being, decision-making and achievement.

Mindset of Possibility: Be a possibilist. Harness the belief that 'I can achieve this, I’m positive about this.' Know that with effort and focus, with supporters and a supportive environment, you can make it happen.

Self-Management: We can’t control much, but we can control how we respond. Do you weigh up options and respond in the way that serves you best, or do you blame others for your reaction? In a tough situation, do you seek alternative options for yourself, or lament the status quo? Do you practice well-being and deploy productivity techniques, or distract yourself with social media and complain of a time deficit? In short, do you consciously manage yourself?

Can you harness that selful feeling?

Do you invest time and effort in creating that strong sense of self, and the inner awareness and confidence that accompanies it?

Do you regularly focus on feeling selful? Do you have a sense of which selful elements are strong and which not? Do you have a network to offer you insights, guidance and support?

Selful Sunday

A good time to tune into feeling selful is before your work week begins, which for many people is a Sunday evening. Take some time for yourself to relax, tune into your strengths, be aware of the potential challenges heading your way and be consciously confident. Allow possibilities to arise: possible solutions, possible constructive conversations, possible progress.

Selful Sunday Sessions

It can be tough to find that time for yourself. As a former corporate leader and an advocate of women at work, I’m committing to running free weekly online Selful Sunday sessions. These 1-hour Sunday evening sessions aim to support women juggling multiple commitments, and seeking professional and personal fulfilment, to be selful - ready and willing to make the most of the week ahead.

If this sounds like a commitment you want to make for yourself, sign up for the kick-off session on 8th December at: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/selful-sunday-tickets-83937743049