This is the metaphor from a leader I was coaching.

I loved the image, because it underlines how connection, not just competence, determines your altitude in life and leadership.

Just as planes don’t fly alone – they rely on the pilot, co-pilot, engineering teams, air traffic controllers among many others – people don’t rise in isolation.

Relationship Intelligence

Alex Pentland and his team at MIT coined the term ‘Relationship Intelligence’, which is based on EQ, but focused on connecting with others. Teams where people listened actively, brought positive energy, and took equal turns top speak were more successful than teams with higher IQ or individual talent.

Strong relationships are based on a feeling of belonging. It’s a fundamental human need. When isolated socially, the same part of our brain is activated as when we feel physical pain.

At school, there was a chant: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names cannot hurt me. We suspected – and science backs this up – that the exact opposite is true.

Indeed, the quality of our relationships, according to the longitudinal Harvard Grant Study, is the strongest predictor of happiness and satisfaction in life.

The Linchpin of Trust

Research from Six Seconds underscores the central role of trust in enabling high-performing teams. Amy Edmonson’s research connects trust to the trust created in team environments – psychological safety. Teams perform better when they feel safe to speak up, admit mistakes and challenge ideas.

Stephen Covey wrote about ‘The Speed of Trust’: high-trust environments create the conditions for faster decision-making and higher performance. Low trust conditions slow down progress.

Your Team as Your Mirror

When I asked the client how he knew he was performing effectively and progressing with his behavioural change goals, he said he saw his choices reflected in his team.

He saw them growing in confidence and taking accountability for their own decisions, raising their hand to lead projects and engaging more openly with him – and other team members.

As Daniel Coleman’s research shows, emotional intelligence – the ability to manage yourself and connect more effectively with others – accounts for nearly 90% of the difference between high performers and average performers in senior leadership roles.

The message is clear, if you’re keen to build high-performing teams, invest your energy in creating connections, shaping the environment and earning trust.